Look at gay sports groups, political action groups, spiritual organizations, sobriety groups, and hobby and non-profit volunteer organizations to begin this process. The best way to make new friends is to join an organization. In our isolating society it doesn’t always “just happen.” You may need to take some strategic steps to build the community you want.
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The Marlborough Man.Ī gay man who spends a lot of time alone is not considered cool in any movie I’ve seen. They are supported by the myth of the straight outsider who is cool. But they have cultural stories and structures that can soften this anxiety. Straight men also worry about being accepted in groups. However, on an unconscious level it may have seeped in more than anyone wants to acknowledge.
On a conscious level few American gay men believe this stuff anymore. The visual of this looks something like Monty Burns, owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant on The Simpsons. Look even deeper at the culture and you may find a classic stereotype of the gay man: an old, pale, lonely, creepy looking guy who might be a pedophile. One of the most enduring societal beliefs about gay men is that they will “grow old alone”. However, due to early experiences of feeling different from their families and classmates, gay men may be especially vulnerable to the wounding of this trigger.
Look inside and you might find “The Outsider Trigger.” Many people fear being alone and socially isolated.